Workshop Feedback: IS

TORDA'S SPRING 2026 TEACHING SITE

Workshop Feedback: IS

12/10/2025

I.S.

12/10/2025 02:01:38 pm

I think the writing itself and the structure of the piece is pretty successful. What’s giving me trouble is how to fill in the space between where I left off and the ending of the “chapter.” I want to end with Nadia deciding to leave the village to go after the raiders, possibly with the group from Goldenridge. So, I guess I’m wondering what people think would be the most effective thing to hone in on to fill in that space, or if there’s something in what I’ve already written that could be adjusted to help with this (e.g., plot, world building, characterization, themes, etc.). As of right now, I think it would be good to see more of her interacting with Eve and the other people around the village.

Paul Sweeney

12/10/2025 02:16:08 pm

I think overall the chapter is strong in terms of the writing. I really like the prose. It feels engaging without being too flowery or indulgent in the writing, if that makes sense. I think what this chapter is mainly lacking in is a hook. Not to say that it needs to start with a giant action scene; plenty of fantasy stories start with slow, quiet chapters, but I feel like you need something to tell a reader what makes this world in particular special. I went over the worldbuilding tab and although it clearly has thought put into it, I couldn't help but wonder what the "hook" was. What about this world makes it stand out from other fantasy worlds? Does it have magic? If so, what does the magic look like? It seems like you have a low fantasy (that is to say, fantasy without a lot of overt fantasy elements like early Game of Thrones) setting, but I'd say it still needs something unique to hook the reader in.

In general I think letting the chapter breathe more would be good. An extra page or two giving the reader a better idea of the town Nadia grew up in, letting us soak in the home she's going to be leaving before she decides to leave.

Anna

12/10/2025 03:10:03 pm

Hello! I am really intrigued by the story you're creating, and I think it's incredibly smart to begin with worldbuilding. I think I can vouch for most fantasy fans where you become so invested in the world that when there's an inconsistency, it can leave you really dissatisfied as a reader. Therefore, world building is the way to go! As far as feedback towards your chapter, I think that I am sensing a journey ahead where Nadia joins the elves, therefore I think that building the dialogue between her and Azar would be a great way to continue the chapter - did they also lose someone to the raiders? What decisions must be weighed for both of them to fight back against the raiders? I also find myself still wanting more out of Nadia as a character. I feel like her main personality trait is angst and not much outside of that, so I think a dialogue with Azar could bring some more life to her as well. I'm very interested in where this goes, good luck!

Nina

12/10/2025 02:58:29 pm

Once again, fantastic job Isabella!!! I feel like you are doing a great job with the progression of the story, especially since the last time we read an excerpt for your midterm portfolio. I think my only two suggestions would be to build on Nadia’s interactions with people at the church and to establish more of an introduction between Azar and Nadia. Maybe you can make more of a grounded reference to Azar when she saw him at the church, perhaps prolonged eye contact if he noticed Nadia eavesdropping, or at least a reference to seeing her at the church when they talked later in the bar. The storyline is perfect for a fantasy story, that is the genre vibe I’m getting, especially since there are elves that have been introduced. I can’t wait to see where you take this story!!

Alexandra O'Brien

12/10/2025 02:58:58 pm

#1)I absolutely love how you have these in-depth characters with conflict driving them and the plot forward to new things even through so much loss. I want MORE of Nadias emotions, i feel that the first half of this story had me emotionally invested and then the second half of this story was missing that a bit... Which points to my point #2) I feel that it takes a while for us to establish where we are and what we are doing after the tragic incident, and we don't really get to the tension of the meat of the story until the end. I also feel that I met a lot of new and supportive characters, but they didn't feel fully fleshed out due to a lack of dialogue. I think some dialogue would bring in the emotional stakes, believability, and some depth for your characters!

3) A lot of this story feels very other-worldly and, dare I say, fantastical. The raiders and the elves all make me feel like I am transported to another fictional world, which tells me this story is doing a good job of defining itself regarding themes and genre.

Glen Beaulieu

12/10/2025 03:06:59 pm

Hi Isabella!

I have to say, I'm so glad that you chose to continue Nadia's story for your final project. I had a lot of fun reading your midterm piece, and I enjoyed this piece even more.

First, I think your imagery is great in this! You have a real knack for fantasy writing, and I can tell that you love the genre. Plus, I really appreciate you fleshing out the world of this story in your "world building" section. I absolutely love stuff like that (I'm a fiend for hidden lore in video games; I read all of the notes!)

As far as what you can do to reach Nadia eventually leaving with the group from Goldenridge, I really wanted to get a bit more characterization from the members of that group. I really liked Nadia following and evesdropping on them, but I felt like the transition from stranger to "Pull up a chair next to us" was a little fast, and without a sort of (for lack of a better way to put it) "Aha! Raiders you say?" kind of moment. Does that make sense? I think there is a ton of room for these side characters to come to life, and I think it would also be interesting to hear their experiences with the raiders. I remember mentioning that I wished we knew more about the raiders that burned Nadia's village in your midterm draft, and I'm honestly just as curious now. I know you intend for this to be chapters in a larger work, so I really would like some kind of characterization of the raiders themselves. There's a fantastic game called "Kingdom Come Deliverance" that I think you could get some inspiration from for this. The main character never meets the main villain until the *second* game, but you still get so much characterization (even if it's not actually what the person is like) from what the world around them has seen and heard, you know?

This absolutely works as a fantasy piece! I'm immediately reminded of TLOTR, The Elder Scrolls, The Witcher, etc. I'm intrigued by your world and the beings in it, so please, give us more!

I.S.

12/10/2025 03:39:58 pm

Thank you so much for your feedback! Super helpful as always. I just wanted to say it's so funny that you mention Kingdom Come Deliverance because I've had that on my wishlist for a while! Now I can justify the purchase haha.

Ashley

12/10/2025 03:24:55 pm

You are off to such a great start, and I appreciate the consistencies between this and the excerpt we read for your rethink/revise. I know it makes sense given that it’s the same world, but it was really nice to read a really consistent tone and style that brought me right into your world all over again. I’d also like to give a shoutout to the names you’ve chosen—they feel so distinctly fantasy to me, like your whole piece, and I can almost picture them etched onto a map in the beginning of your eventual book!

I would love to see more of the characters’ relationships with each other and their environment, whether that be through dialogue or internal monologue. I find these characters so fascinating, and I’m so curious to see how the elves can play a role in Nadia’s healing journey and moving on from the deaths of her siblings. I think the way you frame her interactions with others, and what she’s thinking about everything internally, could be the perfect way to show and not tell how and why she ends up deciding to leave the village.

Workshop Feedback: IS

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