Workshop feedback: Ashley L.

12/10/2025

SILENT WORKSHOP INSTRUCTIONS: I didn't have a chance to talk to all of you before class to say that today's workshop is a "silent" workshop. I want to be respectful of the fact that it seems like we, as a class, work best when we are writing to each other rather than talking with each other. And I also want to be considerate of the fact that folks most likely have not read with all that much care the material from classmates. Thus, for roughly the first hour-hour and a half of class. You will have time to read your colleagues' materials.

WRITERS: As you will no doubt notice, each of you have a discussion board titled with your name. Please take a moment to help out your classmates by posting a prompt to the following question:

What do you feel like is strong and successful about the piece and that you would perhaps prefer not to tinker with and where are there parts that are giving you trouble or you are unsure about? What makes you question that part? What feedback would help you make strategic revision decisions that would not take up your whole week but would really level up this piece of writing.

READERS: If you have not sent it out to folks, perhaps put a link in the chat. As you read, consider the following three very specific prompts:

1) What do you like, what is working for you as a reader, where are there places you'd read more if it was appropriate? Why is this so great?

2) Where is it dragging for you as a reader? Or not making sense? Or just not working? Why and what could the writer do to fix it?

3) Consider the genre, audience, and purpose that the writer is producing this text for. Does it work given those considerations? If you were to position this among other examples of the genre, does it seem to fit? Why, why not, and what could the writer do about it?

KEEP IN MIND: You have roughly a week to get this done and you have other things due in other classes, and we are all tired. So be specific in your feedback and useful. Try to determine the one thing you could say to this writer that would help them move this piece to the next level.

9 Comments

Ashley

12/10/2025 02:01:29 pm

Similar to my rethink/revise rough draft, I feel really good about the content I have written already. I like the claims I’m making and think the data and statistics I have included do a good job of bolstering the reasons why I am asking for funding from this donor. I also plan to add a budget and conclusion section as well as make language edits, revisions, and aesthetic changes in the coming week. However, I’m having a hard time figuring out what the ideal length for each section should be. I’ve run into countless roadblocks trying to find real grants to apply for either because they are not accepting applications currently or require me to make an account, which I do not have the credentials to do. I’ve linked the grant I am “applying” for in a comment on my piece, but it doesn’t publicly give many application guidelines. As a result of this, I’ve been left trying to find examples and expertise from others online, and I’m getting mixed suggestions. As readers, I would appreciate it if you are able to point out the directions I could expand on or condense and provide suggestions on how this could be done with the content I have or should include.

Paul Sweeney

12/10/2025 02:32:22 pm

Unfortunately, I have never applied for a grant or written a grant proposal before, so in terms of where you should look I cannot help. However, I think what you have so far is very strong, especially the letter itself. You use language which is both professional and persuasive, and the use of data is very smart. Personally, reading the letter I wouldn't see why you shouldn't be given the necessary funds considering the positive output of the program. Your transparency with the exact money you need and the exact money you have is also very helpful, and I think what you have, at least in terms of the letter, is basically complete.

Again, I am unable to point in any particular direction for where you ought to look or what sections ought to be expanded as this is a good deal beyond my own personal scope, but it's clear that you have a solid grasp of what you want to achieve with this proposal, which I think is extremely important in terms of getting it potentially approved in the future.

12/10/2025 03:26:59 pm

I hit send too soon. I know that you might not know all of the details I am asking for, and, for the purposes of this project, I'm saying just make them up as best you. can. And, finally, this is really good work. YOu get this. YOu'll get better at it with practice.

Anna

12/10/2025 02:58:14 pm

Hi Ashley! I think that you have a really strong grant set up here! I did a little bit of grant-writing work and this honestly looks better than anything my company ended up putting together. Your statements are clear, your organization is effective, and your outline of the programming is easily understandable and feasible with your budget. I understand that the main problem is that you do not have access to the guidelines you need, but I think that if you are able to apply for this grant you can easily move around existing information to suit what they're asking. My one piece for consideration would be to think about proposing continued funding if you receive the grant, or mentioning what initiative would be taken to continue funding for Norwood if you receive the grant. Perhaps arguing that if Norwood gets the funding, this will allow them time to present the success of Coaching 4 Change to other potential donors or grants to continue funding after this money runs out. Other than that I think you are on a great track here!

12/10/2025 03:25:46 pm

Ashley I made a lot of comments in the body of your piece so I won't repeat it here. Mostly what I would say for your revision is being specific, cutting out sentimentaility (funders hate that), and making it easier to read. YOu have long paragraphs that a funder would have to read through. You'll see in my comments my suggestions on how to edit down and include things like bullets and charts to make it easier for a funder to more quickly get a sense of what you are about.

Glen Beaulieu

12/10/2025 02:30:54 pm

Hi Ashley!

First, I have to say, I think your proposal is very well written and professional. I think you do an excellent job on outlining why getting your organization needs this funding and what you are going to do with it. If it were up to me, you would have absolutely sold me on giving your organization this grant.

I'll be honest, I have zero experience with grant writing, so I totally get the frustration of not being able to find a lot of help or templates in that regard. I think you do a good job at providing a lot of detail and data, so I don't think you need to expand on anything. In trying to think about where to be more concise, I would encourage you to think about what the most crucial details are for you. What are the most important things these people need to know in order to grant you this grant? For example, in your project abstract section, you write, "The objective of our programming in Norwood Public Schools is to see statistically significant improvement in the critical areas—academics, attendance, or behavior—each school that mentors are placed in indicates is most important to them." Then, in your statement of need, you reiterate these critical areas with, "The 7 Norwood schools who could benefit from Coaching 4 Change programming are in need of additional in-school support in one or two of three main areas: attendance, academics, and behavior." You reiterate those specific three areas again, when you could just write "the aforementioned three critical areas" or something, you know what I mean? I hope my feedback wasn't too vague for this!

Overall, I think this absolutely fits as a grant proposal, and I think you've done an excellent job. You are clear and deliberate, and you provide ample detail to prove that granting this grant for you and your organization would be nothing but beneficial.

Alexandra O'Brien

12/10/2025 02:38:39 pm

1) I would like to open by saying that you had me SOLD. You do a wonderful job at being professional, giving supporting evidence to why you are in need, and doing so in a convincing and respectful manner. Your initial letter does not seem to lengthy at all in terms of sections. I am not a pro at grant writing, but this seems to consider all points you would need to touch on in order to secure serious funding from someone. I also side not loved how you offer for the recipient of this to come see the cause at work in person - this really shows confidence in the fact that your need for this funding is important and useful.
2) In all honesty - all points felt well explained and supported. Nothing felt too dragged out to me. I think anything less and it would be a bit too barren.
3) I am not a pro at grant writing, as i mentioned earlier, but you seem to give a very clear proposal, one that is professional and directly addresses your audience. It was clear to me that this was a proposal for receiving a grant of some sort, even without direct indication of that.

I.S.

12/10/2025 03:15:33 pm

I don’t know anything about grant writing, but I think you’ve done a great job at being professional and concise while having a sort of kindness to your tone that I really enjoyed. The percentages to demonstrate the impact of the program is a good choice. I wonder if there’s a way to provide “proof” of these statistics, if that makes sense. Again, I don’t know how these things work so I’m probably off here, but is there an official website or publication to show that these statistics are legitimate? I wish I had more advice to offer. I really hope the grant request works out!

Nina

12/10/2025 03:31:10 pm

Ashley! You have a lot of really insightful and thoughtful information that you are working with. I don’t think you need to worry about the information you have, but rather how you format it. Now, I am no expert in grant writing, so all of my feedback could be a bust. Despite this, I am a firm believer that Canva, for instance, can be magical. I couldn’t help but read the additional sections and think that some of the content is great in writing, whereas other portions of the content could look fantastic with visual aids (bulleted lists, infographics, charts, etc). Sometimes it is easier for our brains to process information when it is drawn out in front of us, and I think that is something that could be really beneficial to your work here. With this, you have the opportunity to clearly promote the nonprofit you are working with, present the statistics, and really sell why you need this grant. Again, I might be a little too ambitious when discussing how grant writing should be formatted, but I know that visuals are always so fun. Overall though, fantastic job here!!!

Workshop feedback: Ashley L.

Leave a Reply.

Torda and the 489s

Archives

Categories