Washington Post Urges Readers to Create New Words

    Humor is something I never expected from the WPA Listserv. Going into this assignment I fully expected a few dull posts about composition studies and possibly the occasional heated argument that may get out of hand enough to entertain me slightly. I am happy to say that I may have found a golden nugget of comedy today.

    I am by no means a reader of the Washington Post, nor am I a reader of newspapers/news outlets in general. I tend to stay away from new stories, but after reading about The Washington Post's article I may change that.
    Long story short, they challenged readers to take a word, change, remove or add a single letter and give that word a brand new definition. They also provided a secondary and, in my opinion, a much harder challenge of creating a new definition for an existing word. What followed was easily some of the best usage of pun-humor I have ever seen. (Aren't you glad I didn't say punny?)


Here is a list of my personal favorite from the invented words:


(Disclaimer: All implied opinions are my own and do not reflect anyone else who may post to this blog.)

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

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Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

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Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

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And now for the invented definitions:

Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

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Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

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Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

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    I am impressed by the low brow humor that made its way to the WPA Listserv. As a logophile I truly appreciated this.

Here is a list of all the winners for the invented words:


§ Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
§ Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
§ Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. § Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
§ Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
§ Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. § Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
§ Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
§ Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
§ Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
§ Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
§ Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
§ Glibido: All talk and no action.
§ Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. § Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
§ Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
§ Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


And the winners for the invented definitions:


§ Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
§ Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
§ Abdicate v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
§ Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
§ Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
§ Negligent, adj. Absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
§ Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
§ Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
§ Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. § Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
§ Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
§ Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
§ Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
§ Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
§ Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. § Circumvent n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men



--Evan